Wild Crayola Kingdom

This afternoon I decided to set my three year old up with some pens and paper so I could get my kitchen cleaned. By the way, cleaning a kitchen with an 11 month old on the loose is a little like rowing a boat with one oar.
In a whirlpool.
(whose idea was it anyway to have a designated Tupperware drawer within reach of a baby? It seemed like every house Ive been to that had kids, had a Tupperware drawer. And since I had a drawer that was full of knives, I converted it to a Tupperware drawer. Dumbest thing in the world. My kitchen now looks like the dishwasher threw up everywhere. All. The. Time. But thats a whole other story)
Anyways, I get the kitchen cleaned up (minus the floor, ahem.) and I put the baby in the high chair with some cheerios and Im watching my three year old draw. He takes requests even. So I suggest he draw a picture of his family.
"Okay!" He says enthusiastically. And he starts off with a big ass circle on the page. "This is your big humongous head."
Um. Thanks. Then he draws three other smaller heads. Whatever. I wont even go into how he drew my feet bigger than my husbands. I guess it could have been worse. I did appreciate the understated stick body he gave me. =)
He then finishes his drawing and holds it up to show me. I gush and tell him how wonderful it is and then he suggests we "Magnet it up on the fridge." But on his way he stops to show the baby.
And things get ugly from there.
He held his picture a little too close to the baby and like a crocodile who has been waiting in the water all afternoon for the unknowing Gazelle that stopped to take a drink, he sprung. Tiny fingers clamped down on the picture with no mercy. Cue in pissed off wind up.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. LET GO!"
I jumped up and tried to stop him from pulling his picture away. After all you know that unsuspecting Gazelle wasn't successful at pulling his leg out of the mouth of the croc. Oh no. Big mess. But I didnt get there in time. The picture ripped. The pieces floated to the floor in slow motion. We all stood there for what seemed an eternity looking at the carnage, before my sons face scrunched up and he kicked the picture away, disowned it and stormed off.
I did tape the picture back together and "magnet it up on the fridge." We'll see if he acknowledges it or not. I fear it may be too little too late.
But my kitchen is clean! ;)
(except for the plastic roadkill on the floor)

The Hunt for Green November

So we have a rogue sippy cup in our house. Its got half a tank of apple juice and evil intentions. Its been MIA since yesterday morning. I started my search last night with no success, and its continued into this morning.
My children just drop things randomly throughout the house. I know. I kick them, step over them, step on them all day long. So why the top secret location for this cup? My three year old announces that we are going to play hide and seek. He tells me he is going to go hide under the covers and tells me to count to ten. Then after I get to ten, he yells "Ready or not, here I come!" and jumps out.
Three year old. Easy to locate. This cup? Not so much.
Its a race to see who gets it first. If I win, cup gets washed and we go about our lives. If the kids win....I cringe at the thought.
So until the elusive sippy cup is found, Mom is on high alert.

Bleach Bum?

My son wiped his butt last night with Clorox wipes.
That's all Im gonna say.

DingDongDingDongDingDongDingDong......

Last night was Halloween. (well Duh.)
We took the kids to a friends house, so all the kids could go trick or treating together. As I watched my 3 year old running up the street on the heels of his little friend, I came to the realization, that I need to get that boy out more. He was entirely too excited to be there. He was dressed up in a lion costume and practically flying from house to house, feet barely touching the ground, he would whiz past all the other kids so he could get to the door first. Then he would ring the doorbell 12 times, then knock 14 times. Then after he got his treat he would come barreling down the driveway holding up his bag of candy to show me. Then right back to flying down the sidewalk on the heels of his friend. We would tell him to slow down a little, quit running, stop pushing to the front, be patient, quit attacking the doorbell, stop yelling. We may as well have been talking to a rock. He ran, he pushed past people, he impatiently attacked door bells while yelling. I was afraid the other parents with us were secretly thinking that our "little lion" was really a feral cat.
But in the end, he got to dress up, get a bunch of candy, play with other kids his age and thats what really counts. It truly was cute to watch them all interacting with one another and talking to each other as only three year olds can. It was a Happy Halloween. ;)

Boo!

Halloweens here!
I’m gonna scream and shout!
The goblins and ghosts are walking about.
But besides the usual spooks and scares…
What really makes me freak
Is taking the little ones out tonight
For the annual trick or treat.
Kids falling over and candy scattering
Over indulging, and tossed cookies splattering
Don’t cry, its not a ghost, its just a covered tree.
What? Here right now? You really have to pee?
Stop fighting, stop hitting, give that lollipop back!
Quit running you’re giving me a heart attack.
Your feet hurt now? Well take it as a sign.
Its time to go home. No? Okay, one more time.
Around the block to collect more loot.
But this is it, I’m putting down my boot.
Get back here, get up here, slow down speed it up.
What is that? Don’t touch that! No we cant have that pup.
I’m not gonna carry you, come on we’re almost here.
Thank goodness Halloween comes but once a year.
Then home again to begin the task
Of rationing candy, oh where’s my flask?
One more piece, that’s the last one.
Its time for bed, I know I’m not fun.
No you can’t sleep in your costume and not with your candy.
But here’s one last piece (these bribes come in handy)
I survived the outing, the kids were really wired.
Now its time for bed, cause dang it, I’m tired!

It's on like Donkey Kong!

You remember Donkey Kong? All Mario has to do is save the girl. Seems easy enough. However he has to climb multiple platforms, and jump over various obstacles before he can save her from the ape.
This is a lot like me trying to get out the door with two kids. All I want to do is get to the store. But to do that, I have to tackle one kid, change his diaper, put clothes on him, and set him back down. Then I have to hunt the other kid down (who is bigger and quicker) tackle him, and argue over what underwear he wants to wear. Then chase him down again after the underwear are on and fight him to get his shirt on. Chase him yet again and get the pants on. Then we have the fun game of catch the feet to put socks on.
(while I'm playing this game mind you, the baby has gone off into a corner unable to resist a fresh diaper, and is pooping)
Get the socks on, send him off on a scavenger hunt to track down his shoes. Walk into the living room, get knocked over by the smell, locate the smell, and go back into the nursery to change his diaper for the second time.
Then back to the three year old who planted himself in front of the television instead of looking for his shoes. Remind him we are going somewhere. Go find the shoes myself. Watch as he puts them on the wrong feet.
Find baby again.
Remind three year old to go pee first before getting in the truck.
Get baby in car seat. Find three year old standing at the door naked from the waist down. Get him dressed again and strap him in next to his brother. Fight urge to run back in the house and enjoy the solitude.
Go to the store.
Forget 1/2 the things I needed.

*_*_*_*_GAME OVER_*_*_*_*

You Spin Me Right Round Baby Right Round.....

Tucking in my 3 year old:
"Wheres your ducky?"
"Um, I dont need my ducky anymore."
"You dont?"
"Um, no I can sleep. I dont need my ducky."
"Oh okay, you dont need your ducky to help you sleep anymore?"
"No, Im a big boy."
"Alright, if you dont need it then...."
"Um, I dont need my ducky. Buuuuuuuuuuuut I just need my ducky."
"So you DO want your ducky?"
"Yeah."
"Um.Ok. "


Im dizzy.