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Orange pulp on the legs of my pants.
Orange pulp on my butt from when I sat in my computer chair.
Orange pulp on my elbow.
Orange pulp squished into my sock from walking into the kitchen.
Orange pulp in my child's hair.
Orange pulp balancing precariously on the top fibers of my carpet just waiting to be ground down into oblivion with someones foot.
Orange pulp doing a seductive dance as it slinks in between the bumps in the texture on its slow decent down the wall in the hallway.
Number 623,947 on my list of not so smart things to do:
Allowing my 1 year old to walk around the house eating mandarin slices. =/
Monday, December 8, 2008
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Cuz who wants boogers with cavities?
Everynight when I tuck my 3 year old into bed, I hand him a small cup of ice water and two pills. One is his fluoride tablet, and the other is a Flintstones vitamin. And I hand them to him one at a time and make him crunch them while I am standing there. I didnt really have a reason why I did that. I suppose I had visions of him hoarding them under his bed then eating them all at once two weeks later. Or him losing one and the baby finding it and choking on it. No real reason. Until two nights ago....
I was busy nursing the baby back in the bedroom and asked my husband to give him his fluoride and vitamin. I heard him go in there. Then it was quiet. Then I heard my husbands muffled voice, obviously agitated. I heard something along the lines of:
"What the?"
"Where?"
"Why'd you?"
"Dont you ever!"
I couldnt make out the whole conversation and had to wait patiently for him to report back to me. He finally comes back to the room and in an incredulous tone says "He shoved the fluoride pill up his damn nose!"
He is staring at me with this serious look on his face like he just told me that our child stole a car or something. But you cant tell me that my kid stuck a pill up his nose and expect me to keep a straight face. I'm sorry.
I turn my head, tears streaming down my face as he explains that he handed him the pills, then walked across the hall (this is where he went wrong) and got his own vitamins to take. And when he went back in the room my son was looking uncomfortable.
(Sort of how I imagine one might look moments after they had inserted a pill into their nose.)
So he asked him where his pills were and he told him what he did. So he plugged up the free nostril and made him shoot the pill back out. Then in an effort to teach him a lesson, he actually tried to tell him he still had to eat it. Well of course that didn't work. He told him he didn't want to eat it because it had boogers on it.
And it did.
My husband was still holding the slimy thing in his hand as proof.
I'm still giggling and crying in my hands and my husband tells me "ITS NOT FUNNY!" But he couldnt get "Funny" out without bursting into laughter himself.
I suggested next time, that he stand there and wait for him to crunch his pills before he walks away.
I was busy nursing the baby back in the bedroom and asked my husband to give him his fluoride and vitamin. I heard him go in there. Then it was quiet. Then I heard my husbands muffled voice, obviously agitated. I heard something along the lines of:
"What the?"
"Where?"
"Why'd you?"
"Dont you ever!"
I couldnt make out the whole conversation and had to wait patiently for him to report back to me. He finally comes back to the room and in an incredulous tone says "He shoved the fluoride pill up his damn nose!"
He is staring at me with this serious look on his face like he just told me that our child stole a car or something. But you cant tell me that my kid stuck a pill up his nose and expect me to keep a straight face. I'm sorry.
I turn my head, tears streaming down my face as he explains that he handed him the pills, then walked across the hall (this is where he went wrong) and got his own vitamins to take. And when he went back in the room my son was looking uncomfortable.
(Sort of how I imagine one might look moments after they had inserted a pill into their nose.)
So he asked him where his pills were and he told him what he did. So he plugged up the free nostril and made him shoot the pill back out. Then in an effort to teach him a lesson, he actually tried to tell him he still had to eat it. Well of course that didn't work. He told him he didn't want to eat it because it had boogers on it.
And it did.
My husband was still holding the slimy thing in his hand as proof.
I'm still giggling and crying in my hands and my husband tells me "ITS NOT FUNNY!" But he couldnt get "Funny" out without bursting into laughter himself.
I suggested next time, that he stand there and wait for him to crunch his pills before he walks away.
Monday, December 1, 2008
He took the Who pudding, he took the roast beast...
This afternoon I, apparently still feeling the holiday high from 3 days of turkey dinners or the peppermint ice cream I had just eaten, decided to put up our fake tree and enlist the help of my three year old. The one year old, was left to his own devices. This is how it went down:
"Ive got a branch! Ive got a branch Mommy.
Mommy, heres a branch. Ive got a branch. Mom. Heres a branch. Moooooooom, I SAID heres a branch. Mommy I have a branch...."
(stop baby from digging in the trash)
"Mommy I have the next branch. MOM! Heres a branch. Awwwwwww I was gonna give that you. I said I would get the branch. Heres a branch Mommy. Mommy, look! He's got the remote!"
(take remote from baby)
"Is that the last branch? Heres a branch mommy. Remember when you were a little girl and you helped me put the tree up??"
*?*
"Heres a branch mommy. Mommy, heres a branch."
(Get dog food out of baby's hands)
"Are we done? Heres a branch. I got it before you did! Neener Neener Neeeener! Moooommy! Heres a branch. Take it Mommy, its heavy. Heres a branch Mom."
(Get baby out of garbage can again)
"Is Christmas here yet? I think its gonna snow. "
"It doesn't snow here."
"I think it does! The sun is going down, its gonna snow."
"It doesn't snow here."
(take two cans of cream of mushroom soup and a bottle of brandy away from the baby)
"I think it dooooooes. Its gonna snow a little bit. Heres a branch Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Are we done yet?"
"Yes!"
Thank God.
Where'd I put that brandy?.....
"Ive got a branch! Ive got a branch Mommy.
Mommy, heres a branch. Ive got a branch. Mom. Heres a branch. Moooooooom, I SAID heres a branch. Mommy I have a branch...."
(stop baby from digging in the trash)
"Mommy I have the next branch. MOM! Heres a branch. Awwwwwww I was gonna give that you. I said I would get the branch. Heres a branch Mommy. Mommy, look! He's got the remote!"
(take remote from baby)
"Is that the last branch? Heres a branch mommy. Remember when you were a little girl and you helped me put the tree up??"
*?*
"Heres a branch mommy. Mommy, heres a branch."
(Get dog food out of baby's hands)
"Are we done? Heres a branch. I got it before you did! Neener Neener Neeeener! Moooommy! Heres a branch. Take it Mommy, its heavy. Heres a branch Mom."
(Get baby out of garbage can again)
"Is Christmas here yet? I think its gonna snow. "
"It doesn't snow here."
"I think it does! The sun is going down, its gonna snow."
"It doesn't snow here."
(take two cans of cream of mushroom soup and a bottle of brandy away from the baby)
"I think it dooooooes. Its gonna snow a little bit. Heres a branch Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. Are we done yet?"
"Yes!"
Thank God.
Where'd I put that brandy?.....
Friday, November 14, 2008
Wild Crayola Kingdom
This afternoon I decided to set my three year old up with some pens and paper so I could get my kitchen cleaned. By the way, cleaning a kitchen with an 11 month old on the loose is a little like rowing a boat with one oar.
In a whirlpool.
(whose idea was it anyway to have a designated Tupperware drawer within reach of a baby? It seemed like every house Ive been to that had kids, had a Tupperware drawer. And since I had a drawer that was full of knives, I converted it to a Tupperware drawer. Dumbest thing in the world. My kitchen now looks like the dishwasher threw up everywhere. All. The. Time. But thats a whole other story)
Anyways, I get the kitchen cleaned up (minus the floor, ahem.) and I put the baby in the high chair with some cheerios and Im watching my three year old draw. He takes requests even. So I suggest he draw a picture of his family.
"Okay!" He says enthusiastically. And he starts off with a big ass circle on the page. "This is your big humongous head."
Um. Thanks. Then he draws three other smaller heads. Whatever. I wont even go into how he drew my feet bigger than my husbands. I guess it could have been worse. I did appreciate the understated stick body he gave me. =)
He then finishes his drawing and holds it up to show me. I gush and tell him how wonderful it is and then he suggests we "Magnet it up on the fridge." But on his way he stops to show the baby.
And things get ugly from there.
He held his picture a little too close to the baby and like a crocodile who has been waiting in the water all afternoon for the unknowing Gazelle that stopped to take a drink, he sprung. Tiny fingers clamped down on the picture with no mercy. Cue in pissed off wind up.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. LET GO!"
I jumped up and tried to stop him from pulling his picture away. After all you know that unsuspecting Gazelle wasn't successful at pulling his leg out of the mouth of the croc. Oh no. Big mess. But I didnt get there in time. The picture ripped. The pieces floated to the floor in slow motion. We all stood there for what seemed an eternity looking at the carnage, before my sons face scrunched up and he kicked the picture away, disowned it and stormed off.
I did tape the picture back together and "magnet it up on the fridge." We'll see if he acknowledges it or not. I fear it may be too little too late.
But my kitchen is clean! ;)
(except for the plastic roadkill on the floor)
In a whirlpool.
(whose idea was it anyway to have a designated Tupperware drawer within reach of a baby? It seemed like every house Ive been to that had kids, had a Tupperware drawer. And since I had a drawer that was full of knives, I converted it to a Tupperware drawer. Dumbest thing in the world. My kitchen now looks like the dishwasher threw up everywhere. All. The. Time. But thats a whole other story)
Anyways, I get the kitchen cleaned up (minus the floor, ahem.) and I put the baby in the high chair with some cheerios and Im watching my three year old draw. He takes requests even. So I suggest he draw a picture of his family.
"Okay!" He says enthusiastically. And he starts off with a big ass circle on the page. "This is your big humongous head."
Um. Thanks. Then he draws three other smaller heads. Whatever. I wont even go into how he drew my feet bigger than my husbands. I guess it could have been worse. I did appreciate the understated stick body he gave me. =)
He then finishes his drawing and holds it up to show me. I gush and tell him how wonderful it is and then he suggests we "Magnet it up on the fridge." But on his way he stops to show the baby.
And things get ugly from there.
He held his picture a little too close to the baby and like a crocodile who has been waiting in the water all afternoon for the unknowing Gazelle that stopped to take a drink, he sprung. Tiny fingers clamped down on the picture with no mercy. Cue in pissed off wind up.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. LET GO!"
I jumped up and tried to stop him from pulling his picture away. After all you know that unsuspecting Gazelle wasn't successful at pulling his leg out of the mouth of the croc. Oh no. Big mess. But I didnt get there in time. The picture ripped. The pieces floated to the floor in slow motion. We all stood there for what seemed an eternity looking at the carnage, before my sons face scrunched up and he kicked the picture away, disowned it and stormed off.
I did tape the picture back together and "magnet it up on the fridge." We'll see if he acknowledges it or not. I fear it may be too little too late.
But my kitchen is clean! ;)
(except for the plastic roadkill on the floor)
Wednesday, November 5, 2008
The Hunt for Green November
So we have a rogue sippy cup in our house. Its got half a tank of apple juice and evil intentions. Its been MIA since yesterday morning. I started my search last night with no success, and its continued into this morning.
My children just drop things randomly throughout the house. I know. I kick them, step over them, step on them all day long. So why the top secret location for this cup? My three year old announces that we are going to play hide and seek. He tells me he is going to go hide under the covers and tells me to count to ten. Then after I get to ten, he yells "Ready or not, here I come!" and jumps out.
Three year old. Easy to locate. This cup? Not so much.
Its a race to see who gets it first. If I win, cup gets washed and we go about our lives. If the kids win....I cringe at the thought.
So until the elusive sippy cup is found, Mom is on high alert.
My children just drop things randomly throughout the house. I know. I kick them, step over them, step on them all day long. So why the top secret location for this cup? My three year old announces that we are going to play hide and seek. He tells me he is going to go hide under the covers and tells me to count to ten. Then after I get to ten, he yells "Ready or not, here I come!" and jumps out.
Three year old. Easy to locate. This cup? Not so much.
Its a race to see who gets it first. If I win, cup gets washed and we go about our lives. If the kids win....I cringe at the thought.
So until the elusive sippy cup is found, Mom is on high alert.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
Saturday, November 1, 2008
DingDongDingDongDingDongDingDong......
Last night was Halloween. (well Duh.)
We took the kids to a friends house, so all the kids could go trick or treating together. As I watched my 3 year old running up the street on the heels of his little friend, I came to the realization, that I need to get that boy out more. He was entirely too excited to be there. He was dressed up in a lion costume and practically flying from house to house, feet barely touching the ground, he would whiz past all the other kids so he could get to the door first. Then he would ring the doorbell 12 times, then knock 14 times. Then after he got his treat he would come barreling down the driveway holding up his bag of candy to show me. Then right back to flying down the sidewalk on the heels of his friend. We would tell him to slow down a little, quit running, stop pushing to the front, be patient, quit attacking the doorbell, stop yelling. We may as well have been talking to a rock. He ran, he pushed past people, he impatiently attacked door bells while yelling. I was afraid the other parents with us were secretly thinking that our "little lion" was really a feral cat.
But in the end, he got to dress up, get a bunch of candy, play with other kids his age and thats what really counts. It truly was cute to watch them all interacting with one another and talking to each other as only three year olds can. It was a Happy Halloween. ;)
We took the kids to a friends house, so all the kids could go trick or treating together. As I watched my 3 year old running up the street on the heels of his little friend, I came to the realization, that I need to get that boy out more. He was entirely too excited to be there. He was dressed up in a lion costume and practically flying from house to house, feet barely touching the ground, he would whiz past all the other kids so he could get to the door first. Then he would ring the doorbell 12 times, then knock 14 times. Then after he got his treat he would come barreling down the driveway holding up his bag of candy to show me. Then right back to flying down the sidewalk on the heels of his friend. We would tell him to slow down a little, quit running, stop pushing to the front, be patient, quit attacking the doorbell, stop yelling. We may as well have been talking to a rock. He ran, he pushed past people, he impatiently attacked door bells while yelling. I was afraid the other parents with us were secretly thinking that our "little lion" was really a feral cat.
But in the end, he got to dress up, get a bunch of candy, play with other kids his age and thats what really counts. It truly was cute to watch them all interacting with one another and talking to each other as only three year olds can. It was a Happy Halloween. ;)
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