Boo!

Halloweens here!
I’m gonna scream and shout!
The goblins and ghosts are walking about.
But besides the usual spooks and scares…
What really makes me freak
Is taking the little ones out tonight
For the annual trick or treat.
Kids falling over and candy scattering
Over indulging, and tossed cookies splattering
Don’t cry, its not a ghost, its just a covered tree.
What? Here right now? You really have to pee?
Stop fighting, stop hitting, give that lollipop back!
Quit running you’re giving me a heart attack.
Your feet hurt now? Well take it as a sign.
Its time to go home. No? Okay, one more time.
Around the block to collect more loot.
But this is it, I’m putting down my boot.
Get back here, get up here, slow down speed it up.
What is that? Don’t touch that! No we cant have that pup.
I’m not gonna carry you, come on we’re almost here.
Thank goodness Halloween comes but once a year.
Then home again to begin the task
Of rationing candy, oh where’s my flask?
One more piece, that’s the last one.
Its time for bed, I know I’m not fun.
No you can’t sleep in your costume and not with your candy.
But here’s one last piece (these bribes come in handy)
I survived the outing, the kids were really wired.
Now its time for bed, cause dang it, I’m tired!

It's on like Donkey Kong!

You remember Donkey Kong? All Mario has to do is save the girl. Seems easy enough. However he has to climb multiple platforms, and jump over various obstacles before he can save her from the ape.
This is a lot like me trying to get out the door with two kids. All I want to do is get to the store. But to do that, I have to tackle one kid, change his diaper, put clothes on him, and set him back down. Then I have to hunt the other kid down (who is bigger and quicker) tackle him, and argue over what underwear he wants to wear. Then chase him down again after the underwear are on and fight him to get his shirt on. Chase him yet again and get the pants on. Then we have the fun game of catch the feet to put socks on.
(while I'm playing this game mind you, the baby has gone off into a corner unable to resist a fresh diaper, and is pooping)
Get the socks on, send him off on a scavenger hunt to track down his shoes. Walk into the living room, get knocked over by the smell, locate the smell, and go back into the nursery to change his diaper for the second time.
Then back to the three year old who planted himself in front of the television instead of looking for his shoes. Remind him we are going somewhere. Go find the shoes myself. Watch as he puts them on the wrong feet.
Find baby again.
Remind three year old to go pee first before getting in the truck.
Get baby in car seat. Find three year old standing at the door naked from the waist down. Get him dressed again and strap him in next to his brother. Fight urge to run back in the house and enjoy the solitude.
Go to the store.
Forget 1/2 the things I needed.

*_*_*_*_GAME OVER_*_*_*_*

You Spin Me Right Round Baby Right Round.....

Tucking in my 3 year old:
"Wheres your ducky?"
"Um, I dont need my ducky anymore."
"You dont?"
"Um, no I can sleep. I dont need my ducky."
"Oh okay, you dont need your ducky to help you sleep anymore?"
"No, Im a big boy."
"Alright, if you dont need it then...."
"Um, I dont need my ducky. Buuuuuuuuuuuut I just need my ducky."
"So you DO want your ducky?"
"Yeah."
"Um.Ok. "


Im dizzy.

Creepy PeePee!

So Im chasing my baby down the hallway and my 3 year old is in the bathroom taking a tinkle. All the sudden I hear, "Mommy! Ma-ha-ha-ha-ha-meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"
(Thats how he sounds when he is freaked out and needs to express how urgent and serious the situation is.)
So I rush into the bathroom, and he is standing at the toilet, pants around his ankles pointing at the black hairy spider making its way across the floor.
Apparently, this eight legged visitor dropped down the back of the bathroom door and onto the floor, surprising him mid stream.
*giggle*
Mommy took care of it. And all is well.
Almost.
I have to go clean the bathroom now.

Letter of Apology to my Mother

I would like to apologize to my mother for all the torment I put her through when I was a child.

Im sorry I acted like I knew more than you do. Im sorry I acted like my way was better than your way, even when ultimately my way crashed and burned and I ended having to do it your way, but never admitted that it was your way or that it was better. I am sorry I back talked, cursed, gave you dirty looks, disrespected and defied you. I am sorry that I refused to listen to you when you offered advice, then acted like it was your fault that I didnt take that advice.
For all of it. I am sorry.

And Id like to thank you too. Thank you for not selling me to the gypsies as you often threatened. Thank you for warning me that I would get worms if I didnt wash my hands or cook my chicken thoroughly. Oh, and thank you for telling me that the little white spots on my finger nails were from not eating my vegetables. (thats great advice by the way. I got lots of strange looks when I shared that one at school.) Thank you for not knocking my block off when I did things that truly defied logic. I am eternally in your debt.

She spoke to me prophetically when she used to say "I hope when you have kids one day, they act just like you do." Ha!
I think I have one of those now.


*Though let me add this: The apology, though sincere, only pertains to the small fraction of time that I was ornery. I do believe, and I think my mom will back me up here, that about 98% of the time, I was an angel.
What? 98% isn't accurate?
More like 60/40?
No?
50/50?
Eh, what do you know anyways? ;)

Be Still My Heart

Im nestled in my bed, next to my sleeping 10 month old watching TV. My three year old is asleep too. For now anyways.
This is my quiet time. The time I can just watch TV or read a magazine. Or play my Brain Age game. (gotta work on getting my mind back ya know) Anyways, so I am laying in bed and its approaching midnight, and I am going to watch the first 10 minutes of Nancy Grace before my eyes roll back into my head and I only hear every third word that Nancy is saying .
Well at the stroke of midnight, I hear this deafening static noise. It seems so loud, like its coming from inside my brain and my eyes fly open and I suddenly realize its the alarm on my clock radio. Obviously set to "radio", obviously not programmed on any particular station, and obviously turned up full blast. And most obvious of all.....my son has been in my room again.
I managed to fumble around and find the volume and get it turned down, then I try to focus my eyeballs on finding the off switch, each pounding beat of my heart shaking them seemingly out of their sockets.
I spend the next couple of minutes trying to regulate my breathing and stop the shakes.
How the baby didn't wake up, I will never know. But at least now I get to watch a little more of Nancy Grace than I anticipated.

Lennie likes da bunnies ;)

So I was watching Oprah yesterday and Dr. Oz was explaining how when women are pregnant, their brains shrink by up to 8% because the baby is sucking them dry of all of the Omega 3's! So you know what this means?? Mommy brain is REAL! I cannot tell you how relieved I am to know this.
This explains a lot. Right after my second son was born, I was sitting with my husband and we were watching LOST together. Now even on a good day, LOST can be a bit hard to follow.My husband was trying to tell me his theories on what was happening. Then he would ask me a question about something that happened 3 seasons ago and I would stare at him blankly. He may as well have asked me to give a detailed breakdown of the inner workings of a rocket engine. I tried hard to think of something relevant to say, I paused as if pondering how to express my thoughts, knowing damn well there were no thoughts to express. In the end all I could do was stutter and lie. Then he would explain to me what was going on and my eyes would glaze over and my shrunken brain would wander off into a black hole until he would ask me a question and my mind would drag itself back into the present and I would do the only thing I knew how at that moment. I stuttered and lied again. He looked at me like I had been eating paint chips my whole life and eventually stopped talking to me about it.
But you see? Its not my fault! My kids took 8 % of my brain!
On the plus side, as my baby approaches his first birthday, I feel like I may have regained some of my brain mass. And just in time for the next season of LOST to start up.
I WILL be taking notes. =)

The Doctor is In, and I am Out (of my mind)

My 10 month old has a doctors appointment today. My husband has always accompanied us on these excursions. He provides the wonderful gift of distraction so my three year old doesn't see the baby get shots. And since the three year old has a profound dislike of doctors or any adults he does not know who dare get within a foot of him, this is especially helpful.
Well he cannot make it this time.
Its just me. I have to take the chattering-doctor-hater and the newfound-fear-of-strangers into an office full of doctors and strangers. And whats worse, my three year old will get to witness the stranger doctor people poking at the baby and making him cry. Then in three months, I will have to take this three year old who witnessed todays horrors and expect him to sit still while said stranger doctor attempts to get dangerously close AND poke him too!
This is gonna be fun!

I have to go now, my three year old has taken the baby hostage and is torturing him with his own bottle by squeezing the liner inside and squirting him with juice.
Sigh.

Got Weeds?

My son does the sweetest thing. Lately whenever he goes for a bike ride with my husband, he will come home with a flower. As soon as he returns home, he jumps off his bike, bolts for the house yelling my name. Then, with his face beaming with pride, he hands me the flower he picked.
"I picked this flower for you! Do you like it?"
Do I like it? Are you serious? This one tiny gesture reminds me that the terrible three's aren't all terrible. Its maybe 85/15 now. ;)
I don't like it. I love it! I live for it!
I asked my husband if he put him up to this. He told me he had nothing to do with it. That makes it all the sweeter.
I will never look at a dandelion or a white clover flower the same again.

3 o' clock zone out

If I wasnt breastfeeding, I think my coffee pot would have a full time job. Everyday, no matter if I have been running around, or just sitting here, right around 3 in the afternoon, my energy checks out and I feel like Im going to fall over.
*GAME OVER*
The only problem is that it takes a miracle aligning of the stars to get both kids down for naps at the same time, so I rarely get a chance to recharge. Instead I just drag my ass around until I get my second wind around 4 or so.
Plus I really have a hard time wasting precious quiet time on sleeping. I would rather sit and enjoy the peace.
Sleep is for wimps.

Well this is intimidating.

Ive decided to join the countless number of SAHM's who blog. This is just what you do when you are home with the kids right? Where to begin. What to say. Does anyone really even give a rats ass?
I am sitting here, with my 10 month old passed out in my lap, and my 3 year old bellowing from his bed. He can never just go to sleep. Its a process. A long drawn out process that includes umpteen kisses, multiple tuck-ins, and peppered with a few threats.
And after all that, there is still no guarantee that he will sleep through the night. Theres a high probability that he will wake up 1,2 maybe 3 times in the middle of the night and whine that spine tingling, hair raising, blood boiling whine "I cant sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep!" Then I have to peel myself out from under my co-sleeping 10 month old, tip toe to his room and do that combo kiss/tuck/reassure/threat routine then bolt back to bed just in time to catch the baby who has now woken up and is inching his way towards the edge of the bed.
Rinse, and repeat.
I have not slept since 2004. And I think it shows. ;)